Like Chikungunya fever, “Whatsapp-gunya” is on the air now. Initially I was wondering how whatsapp can be better than fb. Then my friend told me that I can make free calls and send free messages in Whatsapp. Like a true Indian, I was mesmerised and flattered by that lovely word “FREE”.
Whatsapp should have been named as ‘Gossipp’ in India. Because here it is our birth right to talk about others. Facebook owner was charged for collecting others’ information recently. Silly people! In India, our primary job is to collect information about other people only.
In those days, men gathered at the tea shops and women at the street water tapes to gossip. Now whatsapp offers that platform. So wherever and whenever we are idle, we open whatsapp. If People don’t see whatsapp for one hour, they get shivering, aloofness and kidney stones. Some people type in the mobile so fast like shatabadi express without even seeing the screen. But when I type, I always press four letters at the same time. Whatsapp has become the new better-half for many.
Video chats enable our dear ones to scold us face to face. New Murphy’s law has to be ‘When you check whatsapp while sitting in the restroom, you will get whatapp video call!’
Everyday a new group springs up with different names. I am invariably added in all groups whether it is named “All Guys” or “All Gays”. I have 190 contacts in my phone but figure in 191 groups.
Some of my groups are :
Dance Divas : I am a man with two right legs. Why am I here? Further I have danced only to my wife’s tunes till now.
Kitchen Hulks : I have never cooked anything apart from stories.
VOCH – Voice of Chennai Husbands: I thought someone had added me mistakenly, a deaf and mute husband. I told them to change the name. They changed to “Fearless Husbands”. I ran away from the group before my wife found it!
If remembering the group names is stressful, posting according to the group is perilous. Once I posted Nayanthara photo in Sai baba group! I already have memory like ‘Gajini’. These admins change group names often and cause havoc. Some admins misspell the group names too like ‘Friends dairy’, ‘Early Ricers’ and ‘aunty-corruption’.
Every day I get 500 to 600 messages. 80% will be good morning. If I open all, my good morning will become bad morning. If I reply to all, it will become good night. Most of the messages are forwards. If a goat drinks pepsi from bottle, it will drink in all my groups with various captions like ‘Only goats drink Pepsi’, ‘No water from Karnataka, no water for cattle also’.
There is no dearth for rumours. Every month our National Anthem is selected as the best one by UNESCO and some patriots will always forward. Next UNESCO may also select best Indian curry and best Indian husband.
Our Government brings out new laws frequently. They told that group admins will be arrested for any wrong post. I immediately relinquished my admin post from family group and made my wife as admin. Then Court added that you would be held responsible for your posts. I took my brother in law’s phone and forwarded two anti-indian posts. Waiting for results now!
Modi ji must bring a new law to save people from antisocial elements who regularly…
(i) Send good morning, good midnight and happy valentine day (!) posts.
(ii) Send their selfies and negatives in sideways, centre ways and threaten the general public.
(iii) Posting status while “In Mangudi, Mannarkudi” or “Malaysia” thus causing heartburn to us who haven’t crossed Koyambedu till now. I was really happy when Trump was not giving visas to Indians!!
(iv) Posting status like “Feeling confused, ‘Feeling no feeling’ or Feeling dysentery.
But my office whatsapp group called ‘Voice of Chennai Customs’ (VOCC) is the best one. It serves as not only whatsapp but also Office notice board, FM, newspaper, TV and serves Memo also !
In any group, some members sleep in the group 24×7 like in koyambedu bus stand and some visit once a year like to their in-law’s house. Some even stay for a week like MLAs in ECR resort. But our group is fully functional during office hours!
VOCC is full of connoisseurs. We got our own music RJ, HOD Cartoon and Vikramaditya’s Vetala for riddles. Our birthdays, anniversaries are broadcasted loudly and parties are extracted. My friend has got two marriage anniversaries as well !
We have our own jokes, Current news and live TV news sharers. When DA increase comes on TV, we will know it immediately.
Our members have specific traits in answering too.
If I post “Indian women sent to moon by ISRO”,
Comments will be like…
A : “There also? Real lunar eclipse starts! “
B : “Girl power’
C : “Good news”
D : “Please send all women there!!
E : “Chalo, Let’s celebrate
If I post “ISRO’s all women satellite crashed in moon”, Same people will comment like…
A : “Moon escapes “
B : “Even Moon is afraid of us’
C : “Very sad news”
D : “How is Moon !!
E : “Chalo, Let’s celebrate
These kind of multi personalities (!) make the group vibrant and keep the spirit flying high and make us to sacrifice office work for the cause of greater good i.e Chatting. As long as they remain, happy Whatsapp days.