Vote for Ashok …
Rented Worries..
If Laxmi is the goddess of wealth, Viswakarma of profession, then house owners are the Gods of houses. My House owner even looks like Kali Statue.
People living in their own houses may never know this. But a person who lives in rented house always faces the brunt of these land lords. In the hierarchy of biting power, house owners will surely come after Wife and Boss. They will show you hell on EMI basis and enjoy tormenting the tenants like a pig in the poop.
First Step into the hell : “Vacancy boards” on the gates can be seen with conditions like…
No bachelors – as they are the terrorists of the nation.
Small family – Earlier it was “Only couple”. After 377 Supreme court’s order, it changed to “One Husband and One Wife only“. No two husbands or two wives.
Decent family. One who doesn’t look like King Kong or talk like one.
House owner must love you at first sight. Otherwise the standard answer is ”Sorry already booked”.
Second Step : If the landlord considers you worthy of renting his house, then the interview would begin. It is easier to pass all other tests like UPSC, driving test and even pregnancy test but not this.
You have to narrate your biography starting from your grandfather. Whether you are part of any caste, religious based group or union. After taking the house on rent, I told my house owner that my grandfather once murdered his house owner over a dispute!!
Occupants should not be more than four. House owners are stricter than the government in enforcing family planning.
No babies. Too much noise or they would spoil the walls. So send them to hostel or give them on adoption.
Where do you work? If there is any benefit to the owner through this. Rent was increased by a thousand when I told that I was in revenue department. When I tell these house owners that I am a Customs Officer, they always think that I work in TASMAC liquor shop or Burma bazaar electronic shop. So either they ask for booze or electronic items. My house owner keeps pestering me for phone, laptop, TV, fridge and ATM machine.
Last step : If the Almighty is happy to rent you the house, then you have to sign a lease document consisting of 100 conditions. You can violate Moses’ Ten Commandments but not these. He expects you to obey all conditions better than his dog.
Guests should not come often. Your parents and relatives can visit you when India retrieves black money from swizz accounts. If guests come, water scarcity would follow. Even Karnataka wala may give water but not house owner wala. If the landlord takes bath once a week, then you must do the same. Or “you are consuming too much water.”
Curfew would be implemented after 9.30 pm. All must remain under house arrest till morning. Sleep walking and sleep talking is also not allowed.
During holidays he would gladly take “your” newspaper, read it and share with you. He would take your wifi password as well and always would remind you when the net pack is over.
My house owner is a Modi admirer and charges GST on my house rent as well. When I asked him why he was not paying income tax, he curtly said that it was invented by Congress.
You must show your smiling face to the owner’s child, relatives and dog also except his wife.
As of now, my only ambition in life is to build a ‘gated community’ with ten houses in Chennai like Puzhal prison, rent them and rule my tenants like Hitler. I am ready to sell my left arm, one kidney and my rented house also for this. Any takers ?