It has been two years since I started to perform airport night duties. 25 or more flights at night. Can’t wink for a sec. Evolution has taken over and my body parts are changing. Eyes have become wider like owl. Front teeth have become fangs like a dracula’s and daylight burns me. My stomach which goes ahead of me all the time remains confused and wakes me every night at 2 am for lunch. Last week doctor consoled me not to be afraid of ‘that’ brown thing that runs in my veins. Its called “Coffee”. I am habituated to night duties at last. Still I miss the time between 2 and 3 am. Don’t know if I am turning into a werewolf. Earlier I used to get confused with the day and date. Now I have improved. I get confused with the month.
Nowadays I wonder how normal people sleep all nights without working! I have a list of numbers whom I keep dialling between 3 am and 4 am and ask doubts about bank loans and free sims !
We get plenty of stuff at night to satiate the hunger. So what started as a time-killer changed into a regular meal and now I go to night duty for eating alone.
Different challenges await a Customs officer at airport. Most challenging is in front of the doorframe. We have to stand and check the passengers for any hidden gold. When the passengers walk through the doorframe, lights will come on, if they have a bit of metal in their body. After removing watch, phone, belt, keys and coins, if the lights come on, our eyes will be lit with the expectation of hidden gold. But many times it will be “thayathu” or “arainan kayiru”. If you tell them to remove, they will fight like Bruce Lee as they were tied by their mothers before travel.
Since it’s time consuming, we frisk their bodies with our hands after their consent. As many airlines offer free liquor, we receive many drunken masters who are drunk upto their neck and smell like gutter. If he breathes in your face, your head will spin, whirl and roll. Many passengers spray too! Many feel that God made crotches for storing valuables as in lockers. Consequently we may have to rub 100 to 200 lockers daily for gold. We have found necklaces, gold biscuits and bangles there. We have some exceptional officers who make the passengers to dance by doing this spa massage at those places.
We encounter different types of passengers daily.
One will say “ Why do you touch there? It’s prohibited !”
Another will enjoy the routine and say “ Sir overa? Check again thoroughly sir.”
One will tighten the butts and stand stiff. I tell “ Relax yar. I am not going to give you any injection.”
Another will raise his hands, spread his legs and like “X” in capital letter. I tell “I can’t do piles operation, So close up”
Another day one of my colleagues was very excited and whispered to me “sir, that fellow must be having at least one kilo gold in his brief and I felt it with my hands. ” Later we found only hydrocele!
My sincere request to the passengers…
Please don’t wet your brief before or after going to bathroom. We couldn’t eat properly after checking through them.
Wearing shorts may reduce your age and show you like a youngster. But please wear your undergarments too. Trust me. It’s not injurious to health.
Passengers think we are responsible for flight delays, missing bags and airport non-existent facilities. Daily I reduce the tension of 50 passengers by showing them the way to bathroom.
Yesterday one passenger asked me “When will you deliver my missing bag?” I told him that airlines only could tell that. He countered me “But you are in charge of the airport.” I replied him ‘Well, I didn’t fly your plane”. He replied “If you had flown the plane, I would have become missing” and went away.
When our saviours come to relieve us at 7 am, I will be ready to sleep anywhere. I have slept in car parking, red signals and while driving. Still the legacy continues…
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