A fair journey…
Fair colour has always been an obsession with south Indians. There can never be a southie who didn’t bleach or done facial at some point of time. Society itself is partial towards white. That’s why white is auspicious and black is the colour of sorrow here. All white things are considered to be good like White lie, white money (!), and white Rum whereas black is looked down like blacksheep, blackmail and black list.
I too tried to become a ‘whitie’ during my younger days as my father had told me to be ‘fair’ in life. My experiments with ayurvedic, acupuncture and grandma tips failed like cases against Salman Khan. So I had always longed to be White like a European or golden like Chinese or wheatish like North Indians.
Recently I was taken for a ride by a dermatologist. He became my friend in the line of duty. He assured me that my tanned skin colour could be turned into ‘white’ if I knew how with foreign cosmetics. He explained to me about melanin, pigmentation and how to eat healthy foods for glowing complexion. I am a simple fair and lovely man but my obsession with foreign things got the better of me. When he promised to give me 60 shades of grey in 60 days, I followed him like hutch dog.
My doctor, like Rajinikanth, told me that my physical system had to be cleaned up first and gave me a tablet to clean my stomach. Foreign tablet ! Last time I took an “Sudheshi” tablet to clean my stomach, it had failed miserably inside my six pack stomach. It was time for foreign tablet now!! Thus the “Swachh Ashok” campaign began.
I took the tablet on a weekend which turned into a weak end. Stomach cleaning started slowly and gathered stream! What started as a locomotive soon turned into a bullet train with sirens blaring. It was like Niagara flooding inside rest room. My six packs were shredded into pieces. Intestines, bowls including my soul went down the drain. Rest room became my living room for that day. I was exhausted but impressed with the quality. Foreign product !!
I was mentally ready to turn fair. After getting foreigners’ colour, I thought of changing my name to ‘Ashok Alexandre’ or ‘Ashok Clinton’.
I took my photo before starting the course as it could be useful for the “Before” and “After” still.
My doctor prescribed and I bathed in foreign soaps, applied gel, coated cream and powder on the face and ate tablets like pop eye, the sailor man. I stopped going out in the “goddamn” sun light like drakula as it would be detrimental to my ‘wouldbe’ fair complexion! It went for a month but nothing was changing except my back balance. So I went back to my doc.
My doc told me that it would be a slow process like straightening the dog’s tail and gave me a different set of kit box. Tom Cruise was there on the lid of the box and my “Mission Impossible” dreams resumed. In the meanwhile some boils popped up and it boiled on my face. I returned to my doc.
The doc told me that my body was not accepting the changes like my family and prescribed some more Sodium, Potassium, Cyanide and Bleaching powder to stop the problems and assured that things will be rosy thereafter. I reluctantly reduced my dream of getting French colour to north Indian colour.
At least after getting North Indians’ colour, I can change my name to ‘Ashok Agnihotri’. But after 15 days, when I looked at the mirror, my colour winked at me like Rahul Gandhi and told “Don’t be childish”.
But after a month, it was itchy bitchy all over and patches came in batches. I rushed to my family doctor. He listened to me for five minutes and scolded me for twenty minutes. He told me that our skin need not be white but our heart must be. He made me to understood that good things also start with black like “Black Label”.
Now I am looking for a way to change my heart into white, gold or wheatish colour. Please suggest.
Scratchingly yours,
Ashok.