Vote for Ashok …
Election comes once in 5 years unless some elected representative is kind to allow by election. People of Tamil Nadu have been waiting for this election eagerly for quite some time. With all the heat, problems and troubles, they are eager to utilise this opportunity properly. So with 5 days leave and money, all are planning to go for a picnic. Where else can they get leave and money together?
Thanos wiped out half the earth’s population and left the remaining people for Indian politicians. So having been impressed with the way Dhoni’s Dads’ Army won IPL cup last year, Party heads have nominated “Grandpas’ in this election.
But I am not one of them. I want to compete for MP or MLA post. What is the noble and benevolent cause for this?
There is one Ashok Kumar loitering in every floor of our Custom House. When one Ashok was promoted, many called and congratulated me. When one Ashok died, some called and expressed their profound condolences to me. I am sincerely praying that none of the Pollachi rapists’ name should be Ashok. So MP or MLA tag will help me to distinguish.
But I will bring “a change” like everyone has promised. I won’t hide after saying “Let the third world War come, I will see” or fight only in Twitter as I don’t have account in that.
I have still not decided whether to file my nomination for MLA or MP. I don’t know whether Tamilians are blessed or the Indians to have me at the helm. I am qualified to contest for the Parliament as (i) I know how to make tea (ii) Wink my eye alternatively like Priya Varrier. I swear to bring back “Democrazy”.
Should I go as Independent to loot alone or float a party to loot in group is another dilemma. If I win as an independent and there happens to be a hung assembly, I will become Ashok Ambani in a day. If I win by floating a party, we will conduct surgical strike on the State. I swear that my party MLAs will conduct with dignity while dancing in Koovathur resort.
If I say “all those who don’t like any of the present parties, Vote for me”, then I am sure to get 100% votes”. Our choices are like this. When a politician waves at you, I am the one who knows that he is not only showing his middle finger to you but also all the fingers.
I will float a tender and allot all 32 districts of Tamil Nadu to the highest bidder. Trust me. In spite of this, I will be the least of all the evils out there.
In politics, you invest once and loot for five year. But this time no one can cheat the people. They have understood the value of their votes. They now ask 2 to 3 thousand for each vote. I am planning to give 10 rupee note to all with bank guarantee and assure to give the balance if I am elected! Joint venture!!
After our Abhinandan’s heroics, every politician is roaming in the streets in uniform to seek vote, and it is hard to differentiate between a Chowkidhar and a Politician.
My Party name will be AIAMK as it is customary in TN to use acronym for party names. “All India Ashok Munnetra Kalaham”.
Principle: I won’t reveal that to TN people. Will disclose that in Uganda and Nigeria only. Otherwise also, when did our people vote on the principle? They have always voted for face, symbol and Briyani.
Ambition : To become millionaire. Bring my children as successor and lie in marina beach after death.
Election symbol: As an ex-serviceman, I plan to ask for AK47 rifle or as a customs man, I can ask for handheld body scanner though asking Container may be appropriate (!). We will present the people with cyanide pills after voting.
Slogan : If you hate corruption, let me handle it.
Promises* : A free mid day meal scheme for the welfare of husbands in all the Offices.
Free smart phone with pre installed Tik Tak and PUBG game to all school students.
Free dinner to the families during popular TV serial events like Roja 1000 or Priyamanavale 5000nd episode.
If I become CM, Kaveri will be brought from Karnataka to Tamil Nadu including all ladies who are named as Kaveri. A promise is a promise.
Methane, Propane and Butane plans will be shifted from TN to Delhi. If I become PM, it will be further shifted to Pakistan.
All our MLAs will visit one constituency every month and perform cultural events.
All those uncles who roam on the streets in knickers will be kicked out to kindergarten.
One statue higher than Mount Everest will be erected in all districts. Tourist place as well as suicide point for people.
I promise “Swachh Tamil Nadu” to everyone. All Govt Staffs will clean the streets daily in the first hour.
To solve TN fishermen’s deaths….
Gulf of Mannar will be moved between India and China. At least then fishermen who die will be classified as Indian fishermen and not Tamil fishermen. Taj Mahaal will be moved to Thanjavur. If you can’t believe these small things, how can you believe all the party’s manifestos which are more absurd than this!
To solve farmers’ death…
All fertile lands will be sold to real estate developers. Farmers will be given “Pakoda Loan” for making Pakodas.
So baayo, bheno, chaacha, chaachi vote for me…
* Conditions apply.
Party Flag :
