Die Another Day The much despised “Second Night” doomed on me and I was ready with War paints drawn in my face. Having briefed of the horrors by me, all my kith and kin hugged and saw me off with tears. It was like sending me again to the Kargil War. Having gone through the fire not like gold but like Thanthooori chicken, I was prepared for the worst. I decided to use my acumen & tackle the bull by its horns ! So I went fully equipped like an amazon tourist or a priest for exorcism. I carried books, Walkman, sudoku, phone games, chocolates and a bed sheet! I went by train to avoid fatigue. Meticulous planning!! I entered the airport with a battle cry to work for a year straight!  After all this is a fight between my body and mind (Reality Vs Myth). 7-11 pm – The time Sailed like Titanic with much fanfare. No yawning too. I, being a sincere person, opened the book “Survive the Night” by Danielle Vega. It started as “We are all gonna die down here…” I closed the book. 11-01 am – Technical snag. I went to the quiet scanner room. When I sang some cinema songs, I heard them as lullabies. Hence the eclipse started. I was getting drowsy. Drank tea and coffee alternately. Started doing exercises yet it was downhill from there. 02- 04 am – Slowly every sense switched off. Zombie walk, nirvana state returned. I felt like being in an endless dream in which I was working night shift and dreaming. If there is one thing, I can feel proud of, it’s my sleeping skill which I can do this with my eyes closed. It seems Modi Govt has privatised that too. When I came out people were going to work and I was going to sleep like owls and bats. All the Government employees are martyrs. People are yet to realise this !!! I finished a quick breakfast or dinner whatever you call it with a single ambition in life i.e to sleep. My body clock is so cracked that I am spitting nuts and springs. I don’t know the date or day anymore. Signing off with an assurance that “No more plans” or “No more cries about Night”!  With sincere thanks to Airports Authority of India – For arranging the flights throughout the night and Chai wala- serving beverages disdainfully. With out their help, this wouldn’t have been possible! Good night.  

Words of Wisdom Part I. * Mother brings you to the earth.  Wife sees you off from the earth. * Mother will be happy to see you calling everyone as ‘Mother’  Wife won’t be happy to see you calling everyone as ‘Wife’. * Mother beats you to make you a man.  Wife beats you to make you ‘Her Man’.  Ultimately you are the target practice for both. * Mother sees you as a delivery boy of groceries and uses for outside work.  Wife sees you as a servant for inside job like peeling onions, garlic, washing and   cleaning. Personally   I like peeling onions as no one can tell why am I crying. * Mother accepts you for what you are.  Wife mends and bends you for what she thinks you are. * Mother drives two men crazy due to experience.  Wife is wholly devoted to drive one man crazy. * Any mistake with mother lasts ten minutes flat.  Any mistake with wife lasts as long as she can remember and torment you. * Mother motivates you towards your ambition sentimentally.  Wife pricks you in the butt to run for life. * Our words of heat are absorbed and extinguished by mother.  Our Words of heat ricochets off Wife with double the vigor and we are   extinguished. * Every mother thinks that there is only one best son and she got him.  Every wife thinks that there is only one best husband and neighbour’s wife got him.

 In Tamil Nadu, Sunday means non-vegetarian. As all the families prepare non-veg on this day, the morning air is filled with 90% chicken gravy and 10% oxygen. It’s smell will lift up your spirit and send you for hunting the prey.           So week starts from Sunday in my house as well. That’s when we swallow a goat or chicken and are reborn to face the ordeals of the following week. While all days are marked for leftovers, Sundays bring back the original. Planning of menu starts before 1 or 2 days. Sometimes while swallowing on this Sunday, we plan for next Sunday! Having descended from an orthodox family of devouring meat on Sundays, the mood sets in Saturday itself. Depending on the zealotry or obsession, I select the prey and menu, either chicken or mutton, Chicken leg piece or Mutton leg piece, Chicken tikka or Mutton chukka. Occasionally crab walks in or fish is caught. I go to my regular shop as he gives preference over other craving men. Like good citizens, we too talk about the goodness in vegetarian food and the deleterious impact of broilers. In the case of Fish, its freshness will lift your mood. In Chicken, the fragility and texture will please you. In mutton, One must select its body parts tastefully. Here I have a regret that we don’t have much choice like Chinese who thrive on anaconda, octopus and whatnot. It is always heartening to watch your food walk and squeak. With a lot of guilt I point my finger towards the quarry. I always pray to its soul to scold me but not spoil the taste. It keeps eating up my conscience till it reaches the tongue. The moment it is brought, festive atmosphere will set in. The most annoying part is waiting for its crispy and spicy completion. Of course I don’t dance around the fire like a cannibal but scroll, sit and wander around the house like a pregnant woman. The aroma draws us towards the kitchen like Jerry towards the cheese. The whole family will be on the table expecting the roasted families. When fish, chicken, crabs, eggs and mutton are served on the table, I can’t control my sob. Trust me, this is the reason why people tell you to love animals.          One thing I want to ascertain you is that we are not the descendants of Vampires or Drakulas.              Save Plants! Eat animals!!